"When We Don't Know Who To Hate, We Hate Ourselves"
We hate ourselves, and we're not alone
I am not the only one to create my personality from the pieces I admire of everyone else's. Which sounds terrible really.
By our teenage years we are able to develop our own theories about the world, we can align our moral compass to somewhere that feels right to us, we can differentiate between our view of right and wrong and see the grey areas in between. We begin to make judgements based on logic and reason, combined with our primal desires. As we age we develop more of an autonomy and independence, and this is a good thing.
Personality is one of those umbrella words used to define the way we think, feel and our behaviours, and it's mouldable, buy us and others. Meeting new people we come into close proximity to other personalities.
Sometimes those other personalities are better than mine.
I have always met people and 'felt' their mood, and watched their subtle body language that revels so much, I think about what has happened that day, repeating conversations in my head. I see bits of other people that I really like, I think, I want to be just like that, but in my way. An inspiration on how to be me.
I really am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.
I pinch, steal, and hoard other characteristics that I respect in an effort to improve my personality. I don't mean changing my core beliefs of what is right or wrong, but how those core beliefs are demonstrated through my personality, finding what suits me. Can I be more softly spoken? Probably not when I'm pretty damn sure I have hearing problems from working in too noisy places for years.
We are liable to define ourselves how others see us, you keep calling me an idiot long enough, I'm going to believe it, and own it so I have some vague control of the attributes you assign to me. Or, I can try to develop my personality so I am not perceived as an idiot.
It is normal for us to acquire personality traits as a result of enculturation.
I am such a product of my environment, the people I chose to associate with, and those that I do not. We develop an ethos from those around us, I develop my ethos of living from everything that has ever in-putted into my life. My behaviours are controlled by my own guilts and shames over certain things, they are powerful motivators that enable me to know when I've done wrong, and admit it.
The way someone uses language, their mannerisms and looks, the way they identify with themselves and their place in the world, sometimes I do want to be more like them than me, because I want to be a better version of myself, and I think we can all be guilty of that at times.