Things That Happened, Things That Didn't



Back in the old livejournal days I'd blog daily, I'd document my days, spew out every little thought that I had. What was I hoping to achieve? I was in a bad relationship, with myself and with my mind, many of the people around me weren't exactly good for me. Attempting to poetically make something beautiful out of all my misery. If you fancy a melancholic read you can spy on my old livejournal here, it's not happy but it is a record of who I once was. It's comforting to read that what I thought was going crazy was just synaesthesia. What I thought was love just a pale comparison to what I have now.

This is probably only interesting to me.

I felt like writing. I felt like baring my thoughts but I am consumed by love and warmth and as someone who has always related heartache with artwork all this goodness in my life leaves me feeling soporific. I am greedy and part of me doesn't want to share this joy. After being at war with my own self for so long I'm scared that if I share too much I'll be left scraping the bottom of the barrel, desperately clinging on to the remnants of joy. I feel like a toddler screaming 'this is mine'.

This year, as usual I haven't made resolutions, why set myself up to fail? Instead I'm building on blocks I've already started. It makes much more sense for me to do that, these are not resolutions, these are habits.

  • Avoid any single use plastic.
    • I already recycle as much as I can, but single use plastic is the devil. There is a Plastic Free July challenge, but why do a month when you can go for a year?
  • Shop Local, support Independent
    • It's pretty easy for me to shop local and from independent shops, if I look out my window I can see the greengrocers, the bakery. Hastings and St Leonards is full of independent cafes, restaurants, pubs, shops.
  • Shop less, be ethical
    • I am already fairly frugal. I don't earn much, so I'm never one to really go shopping. I buy for necessity most of the time, but when I am buying these items I feel I need to be stricter from who I am buying from. (This does involve a caveat though - sometimes I can't afford to be ethical, as nice and as good as it is to be ethical and buy from independents, I am not on an unlimited budget).
  • Eat better, stretch more
    • I've been lazy, I can cook, I can cook well. I should do it more, and a little gentle stretching killed no-one.
  • Support others, acknowledge privilege
    • I do support others, but I'm sure I could do more, (I always think I can do more) and within that is acknowledging my own privileges. I am white, I am (at times) financially stable, I have a beautiful supportive family and amazing supportive friends. I have access to the NHS, my physical health is fine. I have a lot to be grateful for.

I'm sure there are more things that I could add to the list, there are always things that I could work on, feeling better about my body, working harder at work, catching myself before I become too judgemental. Question, think, stop eating meat, tell those I love that I do love them, the list goes on. I am a painting that needs more working. I am a work in progress, but aren't we all and isn't that just the way the world goes?

I made a playlist, you might like it, you might not.


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