I saw The Theory of Everything on Tuesday and I wasn't expecting it to have such a profound effect on me. Then again, maybe I should have known it would. The film upset me, and tipped me over the edge so that all the tears I'd been holding back, about all the things that have happened recently were let loose. I cried for Stephen, I cried for Jane, I cried for myself and everyone else that is hurting.
I felt the weight of the world on my chest and it hurt, it hurt so much. It's silly how the smallest of things can tip us over the edge. Sometimes the spilt milk is the straw that broke the camels back.
It wasn't necessarily the characters or the story that plagued my mind even now, but more just the cruelness of nature and life. No-one deserves their life to be pulled out beneath them, but then, we all get a lot of things we don't deserve, good and bad.
The film left me wondering again if life has a point, contemplating choice and reason. I think contemplating the finer points of life can be dangerous territory, even for those 100% mentally stable.
I swing wildly from believing that we're all connected, that if you put out the good things the world will reward you; to believing that actually, we're all just trapped in our own consciousness. If we're all trapped in our own heads then it doesn't matter at all what you say or do. Both are terrifying and freeing ideas.
I remember philosophy lectures at University, and the in-depth discussions on Kant, a philosopher that argued that all human experience is constructed by the mind. The mind shapes and displays experience so that on an abstract level our collective experiences are somewhat similar. The mind has an intuition of time and uses it to order the data it receives. The data that is the light reflecting from the object to the eye.
I find that no matter how much philosophy I read, I only ever come away with more questions. I come away more unsure of the world and space around me. Philosophy leaves me questioning if I'm really typing these words, or my mind is just making it all up. I question time, I question what a minute, an hour, a day actually is.
Maybe the answer lies within the realms of science and equations. Stephen Hawking refused to bow down to an outside force that attempted to dictate how he lived his life, and there have been and there will be, many more individuals like Stephen who have all the passion in the world to fight for what they believe in.
And really, that's not sad. That's inspiring.