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i have no idea what i'm doing anymore

 

Tempered Dreams

The Prize, The Money, The Art

seagullsunset

I am everywhere but nowhere, I still don't know what home is. Lay in a field, smelling daises, poppies, anything but exhaust fumes and pollution, feel the breeze move everything just so slightly, watch the sun come up just over the horizon, the brightness piercing everything tangible.

I would have made you look fucking beautiful.

I don't want to make sense anymore, a world of surrealism and fantasy suits me just fine, thank you very much. Acrid colours trip me as I speakreal-world stinks of shit and eats the fraying strawberry laces of my heart. Bring down and burn the barriers, holding my make believe ground, I'm not taking part in your games anymore.

My dreams feel more real than these trite lines you expect me to keep repeating, visiting other worlds, I'll give myself enough rope claiming I've met the dead (but I have and you're not taking that away). Maybe one day I'll write the words to make you see what I see, (lies will always be your best of best friends).

sunsetpierGetting caught in somewhere else, a land without these pleasantries that don't mean anything to me, I want the bloody screaming raw mess that you are when you think I'm not looking. I remember the future. Independent of the logic of time, I drift through different realities. ones where I'm a lover, a friend, a drunken whore, someone listlessly mooching. I don't know where I am, & maybe in this moment, I don't exist anymore. Maybe none of us exist, maybe thats not actually a terrible thing.

Recycling words and exhausting their meanings. Broadcast me I am fluid.

Once upon a time an old manager (who hated me), repeatedly told me I needed to open my eyes, look at real-world and see exactly what it was and what it was for. He wanted me to be as cynical and gun-ho angry at the world as he was. "People aren't as nice as you think". Take no prisoners? That's not me and I don't want it to be, the virus caught me sleeping and I believe everyone is wonderful, deep down.unsetharbour

If I can believe I can change my world, I can change anything and do anything. We live by our perceptions. I am a warrior with no real war but the contradictions in my mind. You tell me who I aught to be and I'll beat you until your last breath.

I'm starting to grow (since you've been away).

Things, THOUGHTSErin Veness