"Practice makes perfect" "Improvement takes time"
Blahblahblah. We've allll heard those comments that are aimed at making us feel better for our lack-lustre achievements, and right now I'm not feeling that. I'm feeling the more I do the worse it gets.
I sat on the floor staring at the wall trying to work out what exactly was frustrating me so. Obviously one of my first thought was that it is my ink plate, it's been used and abused for years, no amount of cleaning ever gets the acrylic looking brand new. The paper, the pens, they change but it's still my hand. The ink is getting old, but all of this just feels like excuses.
The subject matter is the same and maybe I have just stopped taking so much care, but I find that I am unhappy with more that I create. I am picking holes and questioning what the hell I'm doing wrong.
This has all come about as I spend time sifting through the good the bad and the ugly in an attempt to find enough that is worthy of exhibiting. I mentioned on instagram a few times that I wanted to do something with all these drawings I'm amassing. It's been almost a year since I last exhibited anything, and the ideas I have need to be explored and investigated. In my little brain that means creating a bigger audience for what-ever it is I'm doing.
I've been attempting to develop some of the drawings into more, layering in photoshop with watercolour replicas, layering on wood with text and image maker and colour and words. I sit back and contemplate what exactly it is I'm doing, with installation it's easy, I want to create a story, I want to create a stage for characters to investigate. Drawing does not come so easily, writing about drawing doesn't come easily either.
"what is it?"
"it's a drawing, are you blind?"
I can tell you why it's always faces and hands I draw, it's linked to my fragile identity, it's about other people and their words and evidence of their lives, but none of that translates into what I am drawing. I'm never this hard on other peoples drawings, I'm not always the biggest fan of 2d artworks, mainly because the artists statements linked to the work always seem to full of art bullshit and buzzwords; but that's my problem.
It's this growth and development that is always slightly tricky, almost like pushing an object over a hump, keep pushing and eventually you'll break through and it'll be easier again.
Eh. Have some pictures.