I aim to still be alive next week.
2017-05-01 05.16.43 1.jpg

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i have no idea what i'm doing anymore

 

On Screwing Up

We all screw up. We all fail. Sometimes it's not the failing, the screwing up that always matters, it's that we learn, we adapt and change.

Over breakfast the other day with Bex we discussed making deliberately bad art, drawings that are terrible by design. Ugly colour palettes and of not having skill. It's a nice idea and freeing and something worth exploring. But then if the work becomes popular and sought-after does that mean it's failed at being 'bad'? Does having no skill become a skill in itself? It's very possible that I'm over thinking this, but as an artist it is important to analyse and to think.

In other, (somewhat related to my BPD) news I have been tackling something that was a massive screw-up in my private life. I won't talk about it in detail, but obsession and identity issues are a difficult thing to change. Wrapped up in all this are habits that are not just dangerous, but soul destroying to multitudes of people. I'm not quite there yet, but the change in my mentality is most definitely something to celebrate, my thought process a much healthier one. Nothing was missed and actually I don't care that much become good thoughts in this particular situation.

Anyway, another thing that I umm-ed over was starting a shop to sell my prints. There are two reasons for this, one being, well, why not and the other being that all they're doing right now is sitting in folders in cupboards. I said to myself that once I'd reached 1000 followers on instagram then I'd do something about opening a shop.

Except apparently 1000 followers is a bizarre dream currently. It's either the algorithm or my shitty work, and today I'm quite positive so I'm blaming the algorithm. (Actually if we dissect this deeper it's probably because I'm not sticking to a schedule or using the right hashtags or engaging with other accounts enough or actually any number of other things, blah blah blah).

Enough of that though, my point is, a shop might be in the works and if you want anything I've posted please do ask, I'm always happy to post you something. It's easy for me to put things off so that I don't fail, but if you don't give yourself a chance to fail you also don't give yourself a chance to succeed.

And is failure really failure if you learn something? I'd like to think not.

if you don't understand it has nothing to do with you

THOUGHTSErin Veness