Fine Art Photography

BLOG

 

i have no idea what i'm doing anymore

 

On Progress, On Progress, On The End

still-an-arsehole.jpg

I noticed awhile ago that so many blog posts that offer advice and tips for living have a sense of spirituality behind them, that there is something bigger than ourselves. A God, a belief, a mother earth. There is a freight train behind the 'intentional living' movement and I'm left rooted to the spot asking why.

I have been described as arbitrary, there is no intentional living here, I just flippity-flop through life doing things that feel good and right. There's no in-depth analysis of outcomes, I listen to my gut and I act. I get so many things wrong.


There's a disassociation with my self. There is the eternal question of who am I? How do I define myself and my life succinctly, and do I need to?

Brain asks for information from the mind + the mind does not answer, and so the brain sends out signals that cause the individual distress

There is looking in cupboards and forgotten spaces for the me that I never knew. The me that I'd quite like to meet because maybe she has the answers. I've hated her, and tried to kill her so many times, I've fought tooth and nail. I hated her with vehemence but I didn't know who she was.


I gave up believing in something more when I suffered a loss. I supposed this means that I never had that much faith in something more to begin with.

We are made of levels and rotations. Our cells continually re-new themselves, we remove and replace people in our lives. Adaptable and progressive. This questioning of my self, my identity, this state of being is nothing new. I have a chance, I have to ability to change and adapt and craft an identity for myself.

I can explore spirituality, of ways of being because I am lucky and blessed and I have that privilege.


Creating an identity that is not based upon obsession with other individuals. An identity that is not pulled from a check list of symptoms. An identity that is my own, home grown set of beliefs, and wants and needs. An identity and way of being that is not you, it is me.

THOUGHTSErin Veness