London leaves a residue. London makes me feel like I should wear more make-up, London makes me feel like I'm not enough, London makes me feel selfish when there are hundreds of people sleeping rough. I'm am blessed that I'm safe at night. One day, when I have enough money I'm going to go to London and buy every homeless person I see a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich.
London makes me feel selfish at times, for wanting more, but then it also makes me feel all different types of lazy. It's good to be home now though, it's always good to be home.
While in London I stumbled across the Louise Bourgeois exhibition at the Tate Modern and fell in love all over again. I saw and felt that art is not just about aesthetics but communicating, about sharing and feeling.
It's always the best thing when you are pleasantly surprised, and Bourgeois made me want to sit and stare at her drawings, painting and etchings for hours. A good big dose of inspiration makes everything better. Can someone you've never met understand what it is inside of your soul, because Bourgeois does, and does it so very well.
Maybe we all just have a shared consciousness.
I'm not 100% positive where I am, and I don't mean today (FYI, laying on the sofa, I have a headache).
I'm concerned that my want for more is selfish when there are people who don't have half the good fortune I do. I have to remind myself that I worked for where I am, I battled university and my own desire to end it all to get where I am. And I'm not talking about the tangible objects in my life.
I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, I'm just trying to put it all in perspective. Love never seems to fill me up how I imagine it fills other people. I want all the love in the world, or I want none of it.
I'm at a horrible turning point where I need to decide what I'm doing with my life, the search for more and adventure simmers in the back of my mind at times and I have to wonder where exactly I'm headed.
I'm reminded that sometimes I'm making ALL THE ART IN THE WORLD and other times I'm leafing through pinterest thinking "Why didn't I think of that?". We all need the down moments though, it cannot be healthy to be continually on the go, constantly making. One of my most favourite activities is (and yes, I know I'm 25) laying in bed, curled up, warm and cosy, day-dreaming the day away. A waste of time maybe, but I have so much to thank my imagination for.
I'm also quite partial to sitting on the toilet and reading, and part of me hopes you now have an image of me doing just that. It's actually an amazing cleansing experience, especially if you're reading something that broadens the mind. Out with the shit and in with the good, quite literally, as they say.