I Wish You Lonely

 Me, by Rachel Pickles

Me, by Rachel Pickles

I woke up with Morrissey stuck in my head. It's so sad that Morrissey has such toxic political views. I just wanted to enjoy The Smiths.

When I haven't been at work, I wake naturally between five and six am. As someone who for many years couldn't be roused from bed before ten I've become quite fond of my quiet mornings. I listen to music, or the radio quietly and hear the world slowly wake up. I drink a cup or two of herbal tea, I sit on the floor and enjoy having an empty mind for an hour or so. 

I want to exist in this moment forever.

The noisy void feels so big right now, and I am but one little voice, currently sitting on the floor and drinking Cardamon tea. I can hear seagulls and the occasional car driving up the road. Quietly in the background Ramona Falls plays (infact this is the playlist I've been listening to today, it's a spotify link).

I have a few shoots booked but so many more ideas floating about in my head. I write them down and try to find space and ways to realise them. My flat becomes a state of disarray with half-finished props floating about. 

My thoughts are scattered and my mind is tired. Friends, my beautiful friends are there and they are trying to help and I am thankful and feel my heart swell. I feel guilty at times for being tired and quiet, but I'm doing my best.

I'm trying.