I am an Artist I am not a Designer
You know what I can't do?
- I can't code CSS/PHP or however websites are built these days.
- I don't understand 'user flow' or what ever a fucking 'float' is.
- Myself and illustrator have a strained relationship at best.
- I'm never going to make an advert that makes everyone want to buy the obje d'art.
- I don't quite understand google analytics.
- And social media confuses the fucking tits off me.
You know what I can do though?
I can create thousands of paper flowers, I can make hundreds of clay birds. I can craft butterflies from metal and create installations that people relate to, that people walk round and say "Yes, I get this".
I can create an artwork that gets shown in Plymouth, Falmouth, Sevenoaks and still have curators asking me to display the work.
I've spent so long not ashamed of the art I make, but concerned that other people won't like it, and I've given up caring. Last night I laid awake in bed crafting this post.
Feeling like I didn't fit into a box, I don't sit in that nice little niche of 'creative blogger' because I don't want to be a graphic designer. That my illustrations don't make everyone green with envy. That actually, I don't want my income to be from selling stuff that I do primarily for me.
Why place a monetary value on something from the soul?
I used to try things that didn't feel right, that didn't feel good and I don't know why. I know what I can do, and I know what I can do well.
I can create the same object over and over again looking for perfection, looking for the one that is just so, and what's even better is I enjoy doing it too. I love standing in the middle of one of my installations and saying "I made this and I made this with my hands".
Making 'art' on a computer just doesn't feel like I'm making art when I do it. I need to be getting my hands dirty.
If the things I enjoy never give me financial success then I'll just have to keep working other jobs to fund what I really really want to do. Money has very little value in my life, and I am so terrible with it.
Providing I can buy inks, a few pens and sketchbooks to rid myself of the bad things, I'll be happy. If I can work out a way of ridding myself of a feeling using an object over and over again I will.
My life is not curated for instagram, or tumblr, or even for this blog, it's a mess of experimenting, terrible music, drunken nights and hungover mornings, annoying kittens and just giving it a go.
And if you like it, not only will I be over the moon, and happy. I'll feel like for someone, somewhere, I'm getting something right.
Welcome to comadiary, this isn't a 'creative' blog, this is an Art blog.
My name is Erin and I am an Artist I am not a Designer
Edit: I do really respect designers and illustrators, because it's just something I can't do, so if you can, fucking full props to you :)