I aim to still be alive next week.
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i have no idea what i'm doing anymore

 

From The Edge of The Deep Green Sea

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Every time we do this I fall for her Wave after wave after wave It's all for her I know this can't be wrong I say (and I'll lie to keep her happy) As long as I know that you know That today I belong Right here with you

I keep hearing people talking about taking risks, because life is too short to have regrets. That you should go and do this thing or that thing because the worst that happens is you balls it up.

When I was younger I was never afraid to take risks, which led to me being rather badly behaved at times. My College and University years are littered with stories of times when Erin was terribly naughty. I must have a Guardian Angel looking out for me, as I've always been awfully lucky that these indiscretions and activities never landed me in (too much) trouble. I won't go into details because I am acutely aware of who reads this blog, but the memories alone make me smile and laugh. I get a warm feeling in my stomach that says I lived it and I loved it.

Since leaving the Psych Unit in Summer '13 I've been far more cautious; coupled with meeting Martin in the Winter of '13 I've become almost, but not quite, predictable. This isn't a bad thing, but sometimes I get that itch that says "Go on, what's the worst that could happen?".

Although financially I don't have unlimited options at my feet, I still have enough. Enough that I'm trying to work out what, exactly, comes next. I am privileged enough to have these choices and the support of my family and friends, which is an amazing comfort to have. I know that whatever I do next, if I balls it up, my family will be there to help pick up the pieces.

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And so we watch the sun come up From the edge of the deep green sea And she listens like her head's on fire Like she wants to believe in me So I try Put your hands in the sky Surrender Remember We'll be here forever And we'll never say goodbye

I'm looking, in my artistic practice especially, to narrow and refine my focus. I'm aiming to do this too, with my blog and in some areas of my life. A direction of what we want and how to go about getting what we want is a sometimes unwanted necessity. I'm streamlining and avoiding social media, and the recent traumatic events in the news just encourage me to never.ever.use.facebook.again. (How can so many people have such awful points of view?)

I'm looking to spending time with friends and reconnecting with those that mean so damned much to me. As much as I enjoy shutting myself away, it's certainly not healthy. Sometimes all we can do is  make changes where we know we can.

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I've never been so Colorfully-see-through-head before I've never been so Wonderfully-me-you-want-some-more And all I want is to keep it like this You and me alone A secret kiss And don't go home Don't go away Don't let this end Please stay Not just for today

THOUGHTSErin Veness