I can hear the sound of thunder,
I can hear the sound of rain,
I can see the bright white lightning,
Coming down to strike me again,
-The Sound of Thunder, Nick Kingsley
I was recently reading an interview with Damian Maloney on Emmazed (here), in it Maloney mentions how in meetings with editors and agents and the other photographers he went out with, the agents and editors were impressed that Maloney and his cohort were so uplifting of each other. Maloney says 'And it's like of course, we're all excited about what each other is doing.'
I like that, and I like that a lot.
I've always been excited by what my friends and cohort are doing. Getting to look through Pickles' photos Monday was such a treat, and she isn't the only one of my friends doing amazing things. Sometimes though, it feels difficult to find those pockets of support and encouragement. Maybe this is a whole new 'survival of the fittest' generation, where it's competition not community. I don't know, I'm talking about things that I haven't thought about properly.
I've realised one of the major negatives in my life right now is (the dreaded) work - this doesn't mean that every shift is hell on earth, or that it's particularly bad, per se. It isn't where I want to be though, and finally working out a place where I'd like to be has made work just a little bit worse. Which obviously effects my already squiffy at best mental health.
And then there are all the others layers of having ambition, or a dream, or an idea of where I'd like to be. There's the plotting and planning of trying to get there, there's the crushing weight of what happens if I don't get there. I am a neurotic over-thinker.
I have high standards, for myself and others. I am aware of this and aware of my regular failings. In taking photos of others and reviewing them at a later date I am frustrated at times that my ideas aren't not fully realised, it's almost amusing that early forays look so naive. I have to remind myself that this whole thing is a journey and I am L E A R N I N G. You can sit looking at images on pinterest all day but that's not going to get me as far as getting out there and doing it.
Do you remember when I did this? Just after graduation I loved creating ideas and scenes, spaces to be explored and exhibited. The Never Bought You Flowers exhibition was based, loosely on a song by Rico. I was struggling with heartbreak at the time, I think. It was all very Sophie Calle/Tracey Emin. When I went to bed yesterday at a ridiculously early time I contemplated making flowers again, making a scene, making a place to photograph in, and I was excited.